By: Jennifer Murray

Keepin’ It Real Rewinds 04

blooddraw

A variety of diagnostic tests followed my first RE appointment, in effort to rule one thing after another out, and nail down a reason for my "brokenness". Needles have never bothered me much, although my veins don’t seem too fond of them.  (I’m the girl who makes even the most confident phlebotomist nervous by the fourth stick.) And then there was the lovely Hysterosalpingograph (HSG) procedure….YIKES!  Each test result pointed to nothing but PCOS, which was both reassuring and frustrating at the same time.    

*Side Note I: I returned to work after my early morning HSG procedure, (I know, TOTALLY should have burned a sick day) and a co-worker knocked on the door of my office to make sure I was alright, since I had missed some work due to appointments.  She said everyone was wondering if I was "PREGNANT".  I honestly fought the urge to just crawl under my desk and wait until she walked away to reappear. Oh how desperately I wanted to reply with, "Yes, I’m pregnant.  We’re so excited!  Surprise!  We weren’t really "trying", but that’s okay! Uggh, and I’m already growing out of my pants, but Motherhood Maternity had this terrific sale on those cute elastic stretchy-top jeans, so I snatched up 8 pairs!  What I don’t wear this pregnancy I can always save back for the next, right?" But, instead I gave a terribly uncomfortable grin and quickly mentioned something about having some tests run.  Super, super, nice lady, meant no harm, had no idea, but it still stings when I think about it.

So after all the testing was behind us, we began a new treatment, accompanied by a renewed hope.

*Side Note II: I’ve thought a lot about whether or not to specifically name the hormone supplement I was given, because I know many of you are looking for the "magic pill" that will give you the positive test (been there)…but I’m going to refrain from doing so, because I really encourage you to find a conservative doctor whom you can trust, and who researches the best treatment plan for your specific condition. The simplest explanation possible being, my body refuses to make a hormone necessary for ovulation, therefore, I took a hormone to replace that deficiency.  There. Done. Phew!!!!

I completed the first round of strictly monitored treatment during my Spring Break. Couldn’t wait to go back to school and have all my kiddos ask me, "What did you do for Spring Break, Mrs. Murray?"  However, passing up the beach and tan lines for a potential "plus sign" was a sacrifice we were happy to make.  And only 2 ridiculously LONG weeks of waiting and praying to find out the result.

And the test was…

 

(Seems like a great stopping point! Rewind 05 coming up!  In the mean time, catch up on some old "Rewinds" HERE.)

20 Responses to “Keepin’ It Real Rewinds 04”

  1. Christine
    September 23, 2008 at 1:10 am #

    HSG and you went back to work??? I had mine done late in the afternoon and missed 2nd half of school day. And yes, everytime I missed for testing, someone asked if I was pg and I wanted to scream!

    You have done a great job growing and raising those babies.

    And thank you for the rewinds, one old friend of mine is thinking of IVF.

  2. Kate
    September 23, 2008 at 8:33 am #

    Again Jen…thanks for being so real and honest. Can’t wait for “05”!

    BTW…I had a dream last night that I was pregnant with quads, so I moved in across the street from you! But I’m pretty sure there’s only ONE in there!!

  3. Quad Squad!
    September 23, 2008 at 8:46 am #

    I had that HSG test too! YUCK! But Jim liked it becasue they gave me valium and that apparently made me “really, really sweet” as if I’m not normally sweet! I think what it really did was make me say yes to anything he asked for. Sure, sweetie! You can have whatever you want! A big-screen TV? Okay! Anything for you darling! He probably wishes I took valium every day!

  4. Following HIM
    September 23, 2008 at 9:00 am #

    What a woman! I am looking foward to the next post to see the next rewind. You are so strong and I am very appreciative for you sharing your story.
    ~Elyse~

  5. Anonymous
    September 23, 2008 at 10:23 am #

    Thank you for sharing all of this! It is probably a good idea to mention how hard it is when people are struggling to get pregnant and are asked if they are. It has happened in my building, too. :( When my friends first start trying, I always say, “I’m not going to ask again but please realize I am praying for you.” Then, they know I care about it, but they do not have to tell me they are not pregnant (or lie when they first find out they are but aren’t ready to share yet).
    I bet it felt great to tell everyone when you were! Our staff was floored by thinking you were pregnant with TRIPLETS!
    You are so amazing!
    Jennifer
    Avon, IN

  6. Laura
    September 23, 2008 at 10:38 am #

    I really am glad you are sharing your story. I learned a long time ago never to talk about pregnancy with anyone (not that I had to learn) who hasn’t announced it or brought up the subject. Intentional or not is DOES hurt.

    Can’t wait for more.

  7. Anonymous
    September 23, 2008 at 11:03 am #

    I’m sure I’ve asked someone (I think maybe even you)that question. So sad I didn’t realize the pain it caused. Ouch, so sorry to all of you out there! Please know we don’t mean to hurt!

  8. Brandi
    September 23, 2008 at 12:35 pm #

    Can’t wait for the rest of the story!

  9. Emily
    September 23, 2008 at 12:56 pm #

    Your boys are too cute! Great and positive story. It’s good to read blogs of people with such positive opinions and outlooks on difficult situations! Good luck raising the four boys…it’s gonna be fun!

  10. Rob & Lindsey
    September 23, 2008 at 1:09 pm #

    Thanks so much again for sharing!! But I can’t handle how you leave the post!!!!!….:) I guess I’ll have to just keep checkin’ in. My appt is in 6 days
    !! I can’t wait!!

  11. Brittany
    September 23, 2008 at 2:03 pm #

    I’ve had an HSG as well. I should’ve talked to you about it a long time ago…

  12. Suzanne
    September 23, 2008 at 3:32 pm #

    oh mama…keep on’ keepin’ on. isn’t it incredibly healing to share your story with others? i love you so much.

  13. Anonymous
    September 24, 2008 at 3:20 am #

    I too am going through fertily treatments. Thanks for sharing your story!! I’m still curious though to know what medicine the doctor gave you, just because I’m taking some different meds and going through lots of testing. I had the HSG test also. Mine wasn’t too bad though. I get asked ALL the time when we are going to have kids and it’s so hard to give an honest answer without too much information! I’m sure people will start asking if I’m pregnant since I’m missing work for apointments.

  14. Stacey
    September 24, 2008 at 11:34 am #

    Jen,

    Between you and Emily (wright five)and your stories, it makes me realize I realy need to sit down and get started. It brings back so much pain that I guess that is why I have not done it. My response for 12 years to are you pregnant or are you going to have kids wash always “I don’t know that is God’s plan to decided.” Can’t waiti to hear the rest.

  15. Anonymous
    September 24, 2008 at 10:07 pm #

    Jen~
    After trying for an year for our second child, I got tired and discoraged when people would ask, when are you having another baby, or its time for another… duh! What do I say? Didnt want to say anythign to make them feel guilty or say anything that would make it sound like I didnt want one (to hide the fact we are trying). I learned then and there… never to ask anyone those questions… and Ive kept my promise! Its not worth causing heartache just to be nosy…its better to keep quiet.:)
    Oh…..Jen……hurry up on Rewind 05, you shouldnt do that to us.:)
    You are an inspiration!! Heidi C.

  16. lodyp
    September 25, 2008 at 10:59 am #

    I also had 2 HSG’s and remember calling out my sweet Jesus’ name b/c the pain was so deliberate and horrible. I would like to know the hormones you were prescribed. I was put on megadoses of Evening Primrose Oil (supposed to manage Menopause), with injectibles, the big shot and IUI’s. Don’t you almost feel like a fertility specialist? After 5 years of TTC, I think I could be a fertility counselor! I love reading your blog and knowing your sweet spirit!

    Melody
    Andrew, Luke and John 1-08-06

  17. Sheryl
    September 25, 2008 at 4:12 pm #

    I thought of you when I read this:http://blog.cjanerun.com/2008/09/unexplained-infertility-now-explained.html

    It is the sweetest story of infertility I have ever heard. This woman has one baby boy and is currently taking care of her sister’s kids because the parents were in a plain crash and have a long recovery ahead of them.

  18. Christa Sanders
    January 22, 2011 at 7:58 am #

    i stumbled across your blog via my friend Amanda Schleper. we had a beautiful daughter 9/07 and then 2 years ago started trying for another. then about 1 1/2 years ago we had an early miscarriage. it’s been a very discouraging journey as everyone and thier mama around us seems to have no problems. your “dealing with brokeness” really struck a cord with me. that’s how i feel. except, the dr’s have told me there is nothing wrong…which is crazily frustrating.

    nonetheless, i truly feel like i’ve had to deal with a “broken” part of me…the condemnation of others for “not having a playmate for my child”, being selfish and the pity others have for me. Not to mention how on earth to be happy for everyone else, when my heart aches. To make matters worse, our little girl is continusously asking for a sister or brother…makes my heart ache. It was a great teaching opportunity on prayer for her though – whenever she asks now, she reminds herself “oh yeah, we just gotta pray about it, don’t we?” then she talks about what she’s going to do when she has a sibling.

    all that to say, thanks for writing this – it truly ministered to me.

    • QuatroMama
      January 23, 2011 at 9:03 pm #

      Christa – this touched my heart so much. Thank you for your courage in commenting. You are in my prayers, and know you are not alone in this struggle! Hugs, Love, Prayers!

  19. christa sanders
    March 5, 2011 at 4:16 pm #

    keep posting…you are ministering to my heart!

    just realized on the day i wrote the last post i had found out we were pg again and within 4 days lost it. i just wish i knew why and a way to prevent losing more.

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