By: Jennifer Murray

Keepin’ It Real Rewinds 02

Note: I’m sharing a part of our story in this post that has only been shared with a small handful of individuals. It’s a part of our story that is extremely personal for me, but I feel burdened to share it with you, in the hope that I can be a support to someone else who is faced with this similar struggle. Please feel welcome to share our blog with a friend or family member who might benefit from reading our personal account. Thank you in advance for allowing me to share this part of our journey with you and for your utmost respect and sensitivity on such a heavy matter.

It was summer 2005, when Brad and I had the “I Think We’re Seriously Ready For Kids” talk in Savannah, GA over a fresh grouper sandwich. We were soaking up marriage and enjoying our time as a couple, yet anxious to hold the title of “parents”.

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Lady and Sons Restaurant (Paula Dean’s)Savannah 2005

Looking back now, it might have been a little bit hurried (we’d been married 2 1/2 years), but I really did have that gut feeling that we weren’t in for a “suddenly pregnant” scenario, so I felt pressured to get our journey started. I wanted to be a young, energetic, cupcake-making mommy – and I felt time a’tickin’.

I think my girl doc was waiting on my call by the end of the year. Although I wanted to trust God’s timing, medically the probability of us getting pregnant on our own was extremely slim. Adoption was an option we carefully considered, but weren’t ready to entirely give up on having a “little Brad” or “little Jen”. We felt like this was simply a bump in the road – a common one that so many around us had faced.

We could handle a little bump.

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I started researching infertility. Pee on a stick. I joined an online support group, as a “lurker”. Pee on a stick. I would go to the library and discreetly check out books. Pee on a stick. I took my temperature at 7 am, without fail, every morning and carefully charted it on a graph. (If you’ve ever done this, you’ll know what a waste of my time and my precious weekend sleep it was, as it was a completely flat line, no dips, no spikes. FLAT as a pancake!) Pee on a stick.

It was my way of coping with the uncontrollable. It was our private secret and we thought it always would be….

(You can read more Rewinds HERE.)

22 Responses to “Keepin’ It Real Rewinds 02”

  1. Kate
    August 22, 2008 at 8:44 am #

    Thanks for being so real and vulnerable Jen. I am very blessed by your honesty, and I think it will speak to and touch many other women’s lives. I’m really looking forward to all your stories in this new series. It’s such a blessing to see the “heart” of people, and see the heart of God through their circumstances. You’re wonderful!

  2. Chelsa
    August 22, 2008 at 8:53 am #

    I totally understand this… We struggled w/ infertility for a year before getting pregnant and then having a miscarriage… 5 months after the miscarriage we found out I was pregnant again! I’m due in March… but I so vividly remember all those feelings…

  3. Summer
    August 22, 2008 at 9:25 am #

    I am a faithful “lurker” on your blog, but never commented until now. My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for 2.5 years, we’ve tried tons of different things with no luck. I totally understand peeing on a stick. I should have bought stock in those. Just wanted you to know that you and the other quad moms are such an inspiration to me. Thanks for sharing!

  4. Side by Side
    August 22, 2008 at 9:55 am #

    Oh I can so relate to your story.
    My husband and I only waited a year to start and then it took another year plus before I got pregnant with my twins.

  5. Colleen and Billy
    August 22, 2008 at 10:11 am #

    Gosh Jen I could written that post word for word. Thanks for puttingit out there. I love your blog and your honestly that you share with us all!

  6. Jen
    August 22, 2008 at 10:46 am #

    I am excited to hear the rest of your stories.

    I laughed out loud at the picture of you two. Does anyone else think it’s ironic, that all you see in the background is “Boys” ?? 🙂

  7. Heather
    August 22, 2008 at 10:51 am #

    Yep. We’ve been traveling this road for 20 months now. But we’re still praying, attending church and hoping for the day. Your boys are amazing and you are BOTH wonderful parents to follow. Thank you for sharing your journey.

  8. Anonymous
    August 22, 2008 at 11:38 am #

    AW, jen! …and just when you thought you wouldn’t have a baby, the Lord God Almighty blessed you and Brad with FOUR!! Isn’t he an Awesome God?!! Your Friend, Sioby

  9. Andria
    August 22, 2008 at 11:43 am #

    Yes… “Lady and Sons” ? Must have been meant to be!

    Love your series, your style of writing, your spirit, your faith.

  10. Sheryl
    August 22, 2008 at 11:57 am #

    My husband and I are catholic and we did the natural family planning thing for 5 years, but I went by fluid instead of temperature. Everyone though we were infertile because we hadn’t gotten pregnant and I’d had endometerosis so even my doctor was convinced we’d have trouble conceiving. But what do you know… it happened on the 1st try and despite some complication we’re expecting our first in March.

    It’s good that you’re sharing your story, so many people deal with things like this and just suffer by themselves.

  11. Following HIM
    August 22, 2008 at 12:22 pm #

    Jen-thank you for sharing your details with me and your sweet blog. Not only have you given me a story but you also allowed reality to set in. Enjoy your sweet boys!
    ~Elyse~

  12. Barbara Manatee
    August 22, 2008 at 12:53 pm #

    You’ve already touched so many lives Jen and you’re bound to reach out to many more by sharing your story. I surely can relate to the temp charting days and seeing nothing…ugh! Makes me realize how blessed we are now to have our children. 🙂

  13. Brittany
    August 22, 2008 at 1:00 pm #

    Jen,
    I’ve done all of that. Peed on MANY sticks in my life time. Charted (YUCK!) and lots of research. It was not fun. But, like you, I ended up with a miracle too. God is good.

    I had a feeling you were having issues before I was told anything. I wanted to approach you one time when you were back here and just wasn’t sure it would be ok with you, so I didn’t.

    I appreciate your willingness to be raw for others. God will bless it.

  14. Fulton Quads
    August 22, 2008 at 2:13 pm #

    Jen~ I have been there, done that! Each & every month when the stick would say "not pregnant" I would feel further depressed and thought no one understood. When I look back and see how far we have come I thank the Lord for giving me the struggle. Because I do not think I would appreciate how much of a miracle it is to get pregnant in the first place!

  15. Anonymous
    August 22, 2008 at 6:33 pm #

    thanks for sharing. i’ve been anxiously waiting to hear the full story but it looks like you’re trying to keep us on our toes with a tiny bit here, a tiny bit there.

  16. tyra
    August 23, 2008 at 12:19 am #

    Thank you so much for sharing your story with all of us.
    I’ve been a lurker for a long time, but I felt the need to comment now. My husband and I have been TTC for over 2 years now.
    I appreciate your openness…
    I also need to say that maybe the “Lady and Sons” restaurant was a sign of what to come… Your boys are just too cute!

  17. Busy Momma
    August 23, 2008 at 2:09 am #

    I think it is so wonderful for you to share this part of your story. So many women don’t even consider that they may have problems getting pregnant.
    I was always told how my mom got pregnant on the very first try and to be “very careful”. So when my husband and I started trying I never dreamed it would take over a year and 2 miscarriages.
    Thank you again for sharing your story, it’s so important for others to know they’re not alone.

  18. Casey's trio
    August 23, 2008 at 3:55 am #

    I know you will touch many people by sharing your story….I think so many women can relate to the “pee on a stick” routine month after month. I was a flatliner too–hormone wise. I look forward to reading more about your journey into parenthood.

  19. Melissa
    August 24, 2008 at 9:11 am #

    Went I went through 6 years of infertility I could have paid for in it full if I had only bought stock in the brand of HPT I bought. I can relate. So great of you to share your experience with others who might be experiencing the same thing. Who knew all those months that you peed on a stick without the results you prayed for, just how full your life would become, in HIS time.

  20. The McNulty Family
    August 26, 2008 at 3:21 am #

    Oh Jen Jen.. Again, I know your heart mama. Been right there with you. Can’t wait to read more. 🙂

    Love you!
    Gen

  21. Rachel
    August 27, 2008 at 10:26 am #

    I am a faithful lurker. My DH and I have been trying to concieve for well over 2 years. Your story gives me hope that it will happen.

    I love reading your blog. I love that you take time to enjoy your boys and not sweat so much of the small stuff.

    Thank you so much!

  22. Mara
    August 29, 2008 at 1:06 am #

    Hi! I’ve been reading your blog just recently (I found it through the McNulty Quads!). Anyways, I’m struggling with infertility and can totally relate with the pee on a stick and temping and all that!! It’s been almost two years of trying. Thanks for sharing your personal story, it gives me hope!!

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