First off, thanks for the little catchy title suggestions, I decided to combine a few into “Keepin’ It Real Rewinds”. Now to the “Real” Story behind this post….
I struggled to find a starting point for this reality post, but as I thought about sharing my heart, I realized that WAS the beginning. My HEART.
A deep desire was there, in my heart, to have children from as long as I can remember. I was the little girl at the grocery store carrying my life-size newborn look-alike dolly (Rebecca) with my diaper bag, bottle, and bonnet all in tote. I loved acting out the role of mama and that innate desire to one day be a mama never left me…
It was something that came up on one of my first walks with Brad. Even though we were just teenagers, it was on our hearts. As we walked we talked about “some day” and visualized ourselves as parents. It was a key ingredient in my attraction to Brad. I knew he would be a great father….
Yet, somehow I knew that it would be a struggle. Call it a intuition, a gut feeling….I knew it wouldn’t just “happen”.
And so as Brad and I continued our relationship through 6 (LONG) years of dating, and 3 years of marriage, we tried to keep our minds and hearts open to whatever the Lord had for us as a couple. Many late night conversations started with the phrase, “If the Lord allows us to have children…”, knowing that He alone was/is the author of life.
Psalm 139: 13 “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.”
Proverbs 16:9 “In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.”
I really wanted to trust God fully with our future.
I wanted Him to determine my steps.
I thought I trusted Him. It was easy to say, after all. Even an easy prayer to pray…
But my miniature faith was about to be tested more than I had “planned”.