By: Jennifer Murray

Keepin’ It Real Rewinds 01

First off, thanks for the little catchy title suggestions, I decided to combine a few into “Keepin’ It Real Rewinds”.  Now to the “Real” Story behind this post….

I struggled to find a starting point for this reality post, but as I thought about sharing my heart, I realized that WAS the beginning.  My HEART.

jen1A deep desire was there, in my heart, to have children from as long as I can remember.  I was the little girl at the grocery store carrying my life-size newborn look-alike dolly (Rebecca) with my diaper bag, bottle, and bonnet all in tote.   I loved acting out the role of mama and that innate desire to one day be a mama never left me…

It was something that came up on one of my first walks with Brad.  Even though we were just teenagers, it was on our hearts. As we walked we talked about “some day” and visualized ourselves as parents.   It was a key ingredient in my attraction to Brad.  I knew he would be a great father….

Yet, somehow I knew that it would be a struggle.  Call it a intuition, a gut feeling….I knew it wouldn’t just “happen”.

Honeymoon 014c

And so as Brad and I continued our relationship through 6 (LONG) years of dating, and 3 years of marriage, we tried to keep our minds and hearts open to whatever the Lord had for us as a couple.  Many late night conversations started with the phrase, “If the Lord allows us to have children…”, knowing that He alone was/is the author of  life.

Psalm 139: 13 “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.”

Proverbs 16:9 “In his heart a man plans his course,  but the LORD determines his steps.”

I really wanted to trust God fully with our future.

I wanted Him to determine my steps.

I thought I trusted Him. It was easy to say, after all.  Even an easy prayer to pray…

But my miniature faith was about to be tested more than I had “planned”.

28 Responses to “Keepin’ It Real Rewinds 01”

  1. Jocelyn
    August 13, 2008 at 4:23 pm #

    Wow…it’s like I’m listening to myself. Miniature faith, wow. Infertility stinks.

  2. The McNulty Family
    August 13, 2008 at 4:43 pm #

    Jen, you are so beautiful both inside and out. Reading that brought me to tears! I’m hooked.. can’t wait to hear more. I love you so much and know your heart!!!!

    XOXO
    Gen

  3. Suzanne
    August 13, 2008 at 4:45 pm #

    preach on, sista—i feel like i’m reading out of my diary…love you!

  4. The McNulty Family
    August 13, 2008 at 4:45 pm #

    btw..

    little jen jen.. so freaking adorable!!!

    love you!
    g

  5. Andria
    August 13, 2008 at 4:53 pm #

    These are going to be great posts. You’re keepin’ it real. In the raw! I’m always envious of those who can pull a verse out of the Bible like that. So perfectly used. I, too, can’t wait to hear more…

  6. Kelly
    August 13, 2008 at 7:17 pm #

    I could have written this about myself. I dealt w/infertility too.

  7. Stephanie
    August 13, 2008 at 7:22 pm #

    I cant wait to hear the whole story..what a beautiful story so far! (adorable pics too!!)

  8. Terri
    August 13, 2008 at 7:34 pm #

    Wow, what a way to end..I can’t wait for the rest!

  9. Barbara Manatee
    August 13, 2008 at 8:22 pm #

    I know many of us can relate to the ups and downs of starting a family. While we were VERY surprised by this baby #3, we also feel very blessed as we didn’t have to deal with the same struggles we had getting pregnant the first time around.

    We also dated a long time…5+ years and then waited another 5 before starting a family so I could finish my masters. Its all worked out now, but I feared our ‘waiting’ and ‘timetable’ was a curse when we couldn’t get PG at first.

    Thanks for sharing so much of yourself!

  10. 4 AND NO MORE
    August 13, 2008 at 9:41 pm #

    Jen,

    I can’t wait for the next addition of keeping it real. I love it and so admire your vulnerability! After looking at a picture of little Jen, so I think Henry and Isaac look like you! I also love the beautiful long honeymoon hair!

    Wow, I had the same feeling you did, that it just wouldn’t happen for me. I thought is was because my mom took Clomid to have me. I thought I was the only one who felt that way.

    Thanks for your encouragement through sharing your story. Psalm 139 is my favorite, too!

    Don’t leave us hangin’ too long!
    Amanda

  11. The Sherrill Family
    August 13, 2008 at 9:48 pm #

    I’m so excited after reading this post. I’m super thrilled to hear your story and how God is faithful in your life. I don’t know that anyone else could have predicted what was in store… Thanks so much for sharing!!

  12. 4under3
    August 13, 2008 at 9:56 pm #

    You have been so blessed! I loved reading this, and looking at your latest pictures. (Dishwasher, lawnmower, dancing in the laundry room. So CUTE!!)

    Tiff

  13. My Goodness
    August 13, 2008 at 10:47 pm #

    Jen, I’m looking forward to reading your ‘rewind’ posts…

    God does work in amazing ways…can’t wait to hear more about your journey.

  14. Anonymous
    August 13, 2008 at 11:07 pm #

    I’m a lurker who always enjoys your posts. I admire your faith and your courage in your daily battles. Thank you for your inspiration and reminders that Christ is always there, even in the depths of adversity. You have a darling family! 🙂

  15. andrea
    August 14, 2008 at 8:24 am #

    Wow- your picture looks just like Henry!

    Can’t wait to hear the rest of your story.

  16. Kate
    August 14, 2008 at 9:17 am #

    Oh man…this rewind series is gonna be GOOD. I think I’ll be GLUED to my computer in anticipation to what comes next.

    By the way, I’ve tagged you simply because I mentioned you in one of my answers to the “tag questionare”! So check on my blog if you’re interested in doing it, but I think everyone would rather read your “Keepin’ It Real Rewinds”!!

  17. KSDallas
    August 14, 2008 at 10:27 am #

    These are going to be great posts and I, too, can’t wait for more. Thanks so much for sharing your story.

    KS

  18. Anonymous
    August 14, 2008 at 11:41 am #

    whats up with the sudden stamp on EVERY picture? surely you dont think anyone would take your pics

  19. Fulton Quads
    August 14, 2008 at 12:35 pm #

    I can totally relate to that post! I have been there, done that! It is AMAZING how there IS a plan for us & we do not realize it until we are taking the journey!

  20. The Murray Crew
    August 14, 2008 at 12:50 pm #

    These comments have been soooo encouraging to me as I start unfolding more of the heart behind our story. Thank you so much for taking YOUR personal time to be so uplifting!

    Anon – The watermark is there for a reason. Good observation!

    Blessings!
    Jen and The Crew

  21. Anonymous
    August 14, 2008 at 3:32 pm #

    WOW — now that’s our “little Jennifer” that everyone fell in love this oh so many years ago – actually seems like yesterday though!!! So adorable and still you have the same sweet smile…how precious! The testimony that you share makes me so proud to have known you all of these years…God is truly using you through your blog!!! Love ya bunches girl – and my those boys sure have their mamma’s eyes. 🙂
    “Aunt Dar Dar” 🙂

  22. Following HIM
    August 14, 2008 at 4:19 pm #

    Jen-everytime I read your blog it touches me and I end up crying or laughing. This post brought tears to my eyes-in a good way. Look foward to the next post!
    ~Elyse~

  23. Anonymous
    August 14, 2008 at 6:03 pm #

    I am looking forward to hearing the rest of the story. I was the same as you were as a girl and then on…wanting to be a mommy so bad. My husband and I have been married for 2 years, and lost our first baby to miscarriage a year ago, and are still waiting on God for a healthy baby.
    Thanks for sharing your heart!
    Charissa

  24. Emily
    August 14, 2008 at 6:15 pm #

    I agree with the person who said they think Henry looks like you. Now, Henry can smile and look a little more ornery, but I’m sure you were a perfect little angel!

    I love the way you end this… Don’t keep us waiting too long! 😉

  25. Crystal
    August 14, 2008 at 7:50 pm #

    Hello!!! I am so glad to find your blog : ) I was raised in Freeland and all of my family is still over on the East side of our great state. Your family is beautiful and I am excited to read more of your story. One question, how do you get the “murraycrew.blogspot.com” on each one of your photos? I have been wanting to do this. Thanks for sharing and come stop by my blogs, in your free time : ) Ha! Ha! God Bless you~

  26. Williams' bunch
    August 14, 2008 at 9:29 pm #

    I enjoyed this post and look forward to what’s ahead. Oh my goodness…I can see your boys so much in that picture of you!

  27. Casey's trio
    August 15, 2008 at 7:01 pm #

    Jen,
    I am hooked to your story too. You have a beautiful way with words and I’m grateful that you are sharing it with the rest of us. I love the pics you chose for this post…the one of you as a little girl is SO precious!

  28. christa sanders
    March 5, 2011 at 4:11 pm #

    wow- your journey started a lot like ours! as a girl, i helped my mom care for my 10 siblings (so no need for the doll)…I ADORE children…worked with them my whole life, as a career, etc… But i too felt it wouldn’t be easy and didn’t take it for granted. We too had conversations just like yours. One of the best things about my hubby was that he would make a wonderful dad! We “dated” 6 years and were married 3 years before we had our little girl. It wasn’t super easy with her and since then we’ve been experiencing “2nd infertility” – I thought if we had 1 it meant we would have no problem having others. It’s been a little over 1 1/2 year journey to have #2 and we’ve had 2 miscarriages. Starting to feel like #2 will never happen. Anyway, your story is encouraging. And suprising…never realized there would be someone else out there like us.

Leave a Reply

CommentLuv badge