By: Jennifer Murray

Cloudy With a Chance of Sunshine

A reprieve I had been longing for…
A happy dose of normal…
A break from the severity of the physical travail…
A promise of spring…
A hope that this cloud will one day lift…

the-promise-of-spring-flowers

And my heart rejoices in a couple of good days, even if they are followed by more difficult ones. It’s a promise that this winter won’t last forever.

Things are still “incomplete”, which means I’m on a heavy dose of meds for the next few weeks, and then a potential second surgery if things remain. This process has seemed a bit cruel at times, to be honest, but we continue to trust. We continue to wrestle the “whys” with the “who” – concentrating on who God is, over the unanswerable questions of our immediate situation that we have prayed desperately to be resolved.

It’s a tug of war of our hearts. What we feel vs. what we know to be truth.

winter-changing-to-spring-tug-of-war

People continue to focus on our emotional healing, and assume it is the reason we’ve been slow  to return to normal. However, the pain, the discomfort, and its continuation effects have been too intense for my mind to wrap around much of anything else. While I know that we have processed it to a degree, it’s been nearly impossible to not be consumed by the physical and how it effects our family.  Perhaps, it’s made the grief a little easier to bare by spreading it out, or maybe it will hit us even greater when this part of the trial concludes, but for now we have been focused on getting through the physical part of this hardship.

ice-thawing-in-pond-reflection-kids

The ground is thawing. Peace is coming. Peaks of sunshine will mix with the clouds. There will be an end to this harsh season, and I’m so thankful for God allowing me to see a glimpse of the other side.

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A few links that have ministered to my (and Brad’s) heart this past week:

Brad and I listened to this audio series from Mark and Sarah Vroegop over the weekend.  There’s much truth, honestly, and hope in this series that I would highly encourage someone experiencing the grief of a miscarriage, stillbirth, or loss of a child (or if you know someone who is going through this struggle) to listen to…   

I related to the words of this article, “And Then There Was None: The Miscarriage I Never Expected” , so much…

Moms are often emotional beings. We crave expression. But there is little time for us to do it. Moms must go on. There is so little time calculated into our days, weeks, months and years to grieve. It’s just not on the schedule…” 

And this..

“We are encouraged not to tell people we are pregnant until 12 weeks, but then 80% of miscarriages happen before 12 weeks. So we face this incredibly life-altering experience in solitude. We wander around our “everyday” lives with a broken heart that no one else is aware of. Some may wonder why I am putting something so private and intimate on the blog. And to them I say this: I share because I find great comfort in the love and support of those around me. And I share because I know with certainty that others after me will walk this journey and I want them to know they are not alone. I want them to know a sisterhood of strong and brave women has walked the path before them.”

And so much more…go read it. It’s so good.

And this one,  “Why You Should Never Stop Telling Your Story” , from my dear friend, Myra, is just so spot on with why I’m continuing to write even through the pain of this season, instead of just writing only the good. This too is part of our story.

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Thank you for continuing to allow us a space to share our story, even when it’s hard. You haven’t ran away from supporting us even during this darker time, and we are so grateful that you have remained. We know you are praying, grieving, and waiting along side of us, and it’s been so encouraging to our hearts.

13 Responses to “Cloudy With a Chance of Sunshine”

  1. Covington Grandma
    March 17, 2014 at 5:51 pm #

    Beautiful words to share your heart, Sweet daughter

  2. Laurie Young
    March 17, 2014 at 6:01 pm #

    Beautiful words and they are appreciated. You are being prayed for.

  3. Lene Kristin
    March 17, 2014 at 8:03 pm #

    Sending lots of love your way <3

  4. Crystal
    March 17, 2014 at 8:10 pm #

    I can see your giving heart through all of this, Jen — you thinking about someone else who might need these words. And I think God loves that, loves holding you close through this difficult time, loves that you’re running to Him with your problems instead of tackling them on your own. You are loved.
    Crystal recently posted.. Beloved Daughter review

  5. Siob
    March 17, 2014 at 9:12 pm #

    You have an incredibly beautiful heart. I am praying for you guys.

  6. Kelly from Kelly's Lucky You
    March 17, 2014 at 11:28 pm #

    Spring IS coming… I hope it brings you relief from pain and some healing. I’m praying for you and your whole family.
    Kelly from Kelly’s Lucky You recently posted.. Giveaway: $10 Paypal Cash! (Worldwide, Ends 3/24)

  7. Amie
    March 18, 2014 at 12:57 am #

    Thank you for sharing this. I just had a miscarriage a month ago, never expected it after having 4 healthy babies. It was a complete shock. Every day I still have this emptiness. It’s hard for me to explain how it feels to others. We had announced our pregnancy and then we had to let everyone know that we had lost the baby. I plan on planting a memory tree for our little angel and I am not looking forward to September, when I was due. I feel heartbreak every time someone posts a picture or talk about their pregnancy on Facebook, but I know our time will come again and that joy will return. Thanks for sharing your story. (hugs)

  8. sl
    March 18, 2014 at 1:40 am #

    Praying for healing. Prayers for the pain. Praying the sun and warmth of spring touch your lives in an upl;ifting way.

  9. designhermomma
    March 18, 2014 at 1:43 am #

    praying. Love you guys.
    designhermomma recently posted.. I hope this makes you feel more normal

  10. Melissa D
    March 18, 2014 at 4:25 am #

    Thank you for sharing. We are praying for you and are thankful for your real, honest updates.
    Melissa D recently posted.. Best of the Internet #5 | Lone Star Signers

  11. Kathy Bedwell
    March 18, 2014 at 4:43 pm #

    I am praying for and grieving with you. I feel this same pain through my daughter-in-love and son who even now are awaiting probably bad news about their infertility journey. She has gone through several miscarriages, D & Cs, surgeries, hospitalizations, dashed hopes, drug side-effects, and the emotional pain and uncertainty that go along with it all. Please pray for them in their efforts and desire to have a second child (Hailey was an in-vitro baby) and the looming questions over possible adoption. I know you know this pain and are uniquely “qualified” to pray for them. Thank you.
    And I am so happy for your promise of Spring as you by sight see the smile of God that has been hidden behind dark clouds, but is still there. Love you! <3

  12. Hannah Diane
    September 16, 2014 at 6:32 pm #

    Thank you for sharing! Lots of prayers are still going your way. I was praying for you when this happened, and now that I’ve gone through it, I’m praying more. <3

    • Jennifer Murray
      September 17, 2014 at 3:00 pm #

      Hannah, I didn’t know, Sweet Girl. Love you and praying for your broken heart. God is and will continue to be faithful.

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