By: Jennifer Murray

Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

john 16 33 i have overcome the world
 



First of all, I cannot begin to thank you enough for the grace, the prayers, and the love you have dumped on us after this most difficult post. Each and every comment was read with tears of thankfulness for your kind words, and grief for your own losses. I wish we didn’t have to walk this road of grief with so many of you, but I’m thankful for how your wisdom and sympathy has ministered to us so well.

You allowed us to be so vulnerable, and you embraced us.

Because I know you deep care for us even in the details, I want to share where we are in this process right now….

After 3 good days in a row, things were looking up, spirits began to lift, life began to flow again.

Actually, I had some return symptoms over the weekend, but overall I felt well, so I did what every good patient does, I ignored them.

We had a good weekend as a family and Brad and I even busted out of here for a date on Saturday afternoon. We smiled. We laughed. Even through tears, there was joy and hope emerging from the overwhelming darkness.

And then Monday. Oh Mondays.

Today, I’m feeling a little better, but there’s still issues that need to resolve. Yesterday was rough for us all. We saw the glimmer of finding a new rhythm, and now I’m back to feeling helpless and defeated physically.

Would you all keep my physical healing in your prayers as there continues to be complications? We desperately would like this portion to be behind us, and we are weary. Brad is discouraged by watching me suffer, along with so many responsibilities on his plate that come with running a business. I am feeling discouraged with life on the sidelines, and feeling helpless.

We know God is able. We know He can use even this setback for our good. We believe. We just need to live it out. We need to walk by faith, not by sight.

“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

13 Responses to “Two Steps Forward, One Step Back”

  1. Barefoot Hippie Girl
    February 18, 2014 at 6:41 pm #

    Oh, Jennifer. I definitely am, and will continue, to pray for you. That’s all I can say, but I know prayer is what is helping me most through my trial too. I love you!
    Barefoot Hippie Girl recently posted.. When Life Knocks You To Your Knees

    • Jennifer Murray
      February 19, 2014 at 1:05 am #

      Prayers mean so much! You are certainly in mine as well!

  2. Cindy
    February 18, 2014 at 7:24 pm #

    Oh Jen, grief is so much like an ocean of waves, it ebbs and flows! Don’t rush the process or you may have to come back and address what was buried. Through my own infertility issues and the death of my husband, I know. You are being lifted up to our Jesus, you and your family! God Bless!
    Cindy recently posted.. After Work I…

    • Jennifer Murray
      February 19, 2014 at 1:06 am #

      I’m taking this to heart, and appreciate you sharing what you have learned through your own grief. Thanks so much, Cindy.

  3. Debbie
    February 18, 2014 at 9:58 pm #

    Jen, I will continue to keep you, your physical healing, and your family in my prayers.

    This may be hard to grasp, but I actually learned the following on a retreat!!

    The one thing that helped me when I was disgnosed with a heart issue was to remember I was not my heart….I had to remind myself that my essence was so much larger than my physical being – so I am hoping this may help you too and help prevent you from identifying with the physical problem and allowing it to discourage you.

    The retreat talked about how we are not our jobs, or are our titles, or are not our belongings, etc… – and while these things are part of our lives, they are not the essence of who God created us to be.

    Love to all

    • Jennifer Murray
      February 19, 2014 at 1:06 am #

      This is so so good, and just what I needed tonight. Thank you so much for sharing this truth, Debbie.

  4. Drea
    February 19, 2014 at 2:55 am #

    Sorry Jen :( – so so sorry for your hurt.
    I don’t know if this will bring you peace or bring you sadness… but this is a blog post from my friend Holly. I have known her the last 2 1/2 years since moving to GA… her journey through miscarriages, still birth… and adoption has changed me and her strength is a testimony of God’s power… she’s an amazing woman, her writings really echo much truth…

    Any who heres a post on her daughter Anna…. get a tissue.
    http://sing-over-me.blogspot.com/2010/01/furnace-or-freedom.html

  5. Lene Kristin
    February 19, 2014 at 9:22 am #

    “All things have their season, and in their times all things pass under heaven.”
    When grieving, it is right to be happy and it is right to be sad. It is right to think of other things and it is right to focus on the reason for your grief. I hope you will be able to see this Monday not as a setback but as an important part of your process. I hope you find the peace to let your healing take the time it needs.
    I am sending you lots of love – both for your physical and your emotional healing. You don’t have to be strong, or fast, or “good at” this. You just have to stay in it and live through it. And you are <3

  6. Danielle Barton
    February 19, 2014 at 6:00 pm #

    I would imagine just blogging brings a refreshing – writing out your heart and then writing out scriptures that remind you of where you need to look even when you are feeling defeated. Praying for you. I am so very sorry and I know it is a long road. Especially when everyone else moves on and the hurt is still there. {hugs}

  7. sl
    February 20, 2014 at 2:45 am #

    Praying for your physical healing and lifting of spirits for both you and Brad. The sunshine in Ky the last 2 days has been wonderful for my spirit. Hoping it is sunny in Ind. lifting your spirits. Remember to take it easy and rest eventho you have so much you want to do. Give your body time to heal.

  8. Cyndi
    February 20, 2014 at 4:08 am #

    Praying for ur sweet family !

  9. Erica - Let Why Lead
    February 20, 2014 at 11:20 pm #

    Oh I’m so sorry, but I’m glad that you reached out and asked for prayers when you need them. Praying for your healing and the wellbeing of your family!
    Erica – Let Why Lead recently posted.. Why I Wish I Knew You as a Mom

  10. Adele
    February 22, 2014 at 5:01 pm #

    Praying for you and your wonderful family, for physical and emotional healing as well as peace. I also put your names on the prayer roll with my church – so you have a whole lot of people in Utah praying for you…

    Hoping for a happy Saturday with your boys!

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